Vol I, Issue II, Finals 2007

Gil Pilkington Released Back Into Wild

By Sashay McGilicuty

Tahlequah — After completing a distinguished career in student politics spanning nearly 3 years, former Student Bar Association President Gil Pilkington was re-released into his native habitat Sunday.

Walking westward into a glorious Oklahoma dusk, the long-time law student, escorted by Martin Hunt, a wildlife conservationist with the U.S. Parks Department, flapped his way to the edge of Tenkiller State Park near Tahlequah. Hunt then let go of Pilkington's hand, and the former SBA President squawked jubilantly for several minutes before waving goodbye to a throng of teary-eyed well-wishers, disappearing into the thick spruce woods.

"This is a bittersweet occasion," fellow SBA Attorney General Matt Dattilo told the crowd at a pre-release ceremony. "We are all going to miss Gil Pilkington. In many ways, he's become part of our TU family. But this is the right thing to do, and we are happy that, after a lifetime of public service, he will finally have the chance to roam the open fields and graze the sunlit plains of our beautiful state, and retake his rightful place in the circle of life."

Speaker of the House Ryan Peterson, a long-time friend of Pilkington's, was also at the ceremony. Peterson explained that this past October, when it became clear that Pilkington was going to graduate from law school, several members of the Student Bar Association were asked by friends of Pilkington to focus less on winning their respective SBA re-election campaigns, and more on lovingly re-familiarizing Pilkington with his instinctive feeding, rutting and migratory habits — habits Pilkington had to abandon when he was first captured and cruelly forced to run for Student Bar Association Delegate in 2004.

"It wasn't easy for us," said Peterson. "And it wasn't fair to him. In captivity, he had become exactly what law school had trained him to be — an efficient, well-respected legislator with keen negotiating instincts. And all along, we conditioned him to pursue the presidency as aggressively as his counterparts in the grasslands would pursue the boll weevil or prairie dog. And then to be betrayed, to have that long-hunted goal taken from him so cruelly by graduation. . . is that fair?" Peterson trailed off, visibly shaken.

Peterson, Hunt and other SBA Members were able to provide a successful two-month transition period for Pilkington, featuring leashed jaunts, an increasingly wheat-based diet and the non-stop bar exam preparation that concluded his time at the College of Law — an exercise that Peterson now admits was designed primarily to "re-adjust the internal biorhythms of Pilkington, who is by nature a largely nocturnal creature."

Though popular with law school faculty and administrators for his frolicsome disposition, Pilkington was widely — and mistakenly — viewed by students as an indigenous creature of Tulsa. Many also expressed distaste for his frequently vicious attacks, both on Dean Butkin's character and assorted large chunks of meat. Peterson attributed this perception to "incompetence" on the part of Pilkington's administration, whom he believes "utterly failed to educate students that Pilkington was only playing when he was being feisty... Gil Pilkington is a very, very friendly type."

Regardless, no trace of viciousness was visible during Sunday's release. Pilkington, 73 (the equivalent of 52), appeared thoughtful and proud as he sat obediently on the platform during the ceremony, at one point amiably lapping the hand of incoming SBA Vice-President Gary Albertson. Asked about his feelings, a wide-eyed Pilkington jumped up and down, then indicated his readiness by adopting a noble, eagle-like pose and looking stoically out at the dense forest.

Pilkington vanished into the woods wearing his favorite charcoal-gray suit and black loafers. Peterson said that he would in all likelihood keep the suit on until he feels sufficiently acclimated to the cold and his thick outer fur comes in.

African American Photoshopped In
by Chad Posner

JRH – In the spirit of celebrating diversity at the University of Tulsa College of Law, an African American was digitally added to the cover of the school's 2008 fall-semester recruitment catalog, school officials announced Monday.

"Here at TU Law, we have a remarkably diverse student body, with literally dozens of non-whites," College of Law director of student affairs Andrea Driessen said. "We thought a picture with at least one non-white happily interacting with whites would be a great way to show off this fact.

Unfortunately, we didn't have any pictures of whites and non-whites actually interacting, so we had to make one up."

Said Dean Robert Butkin: "An unaltered, or 'real,' cover photo would not have adequately captured the glorious rainbow of multiculturalism that is TU Law. We thought it best to take a more illusory, 'less-actual' approach in depicting this school's racial demographic."

The African American, added using Adobe Photoshop, has been identified as Matthew Jamison. A Shreveport, LA, native, Jamison attended TU for one semester in 2005 before transferring to the University of Denver. His face was lifted from a photo of him attending a racial-sensitivity seminar during his 1L orientation and digitally added to the course-catalog cover by graphic designer Brian Tompkins.

"Believe me, this was not an easy task. We combed through hundreds of issues of Dicta and recruitment catalog file photos before we found a picture of an African American," Tompkins said.

In addition to the African American on its cover, the course catalog features several inside photos of African Americans, though only in single-person shots. College of Law authorities stressed that all of those images are actual photos of actual minorities printed on actual paper.

"Each African American you see in this catalog was, in fact, photographed at one point," Arbus said. "This booklet is our way of letting people know the importance of including African Americans in official school publications. That's the TU College of Law promise."

"We have nothing against African Americans at this school, as evidenced by our dedication to adding them to images of campus life," Arbus said. "That shows just how serious we are about our commitment to diversity."

The College of Law’s use of Photoshop has proven so successful, it is quickly becoming a model for other law schools across the nation seeking to improve their schools' veneer of diversity.

"Photoshop opens up an exciting new realm of possibilities for America's institutions of higher learning," University of Oklahoma College of Law Dean Karl Watson said. "Here at OU, for example, we plan to Photoshop up to 10 percent more Latinos into recruitment brochures. If we can get funding, we may also Photoshop handicap-accessible ramps onto exterior shots of campus buildings."

Prospective Law Student Had Most Fun Getting Drunk At TU

By Stuart Littlejeans

JRH—After taking a week off from class to evaluate prospective law schools, Oklahoma State University senior Angela Ross said Monday that, though all the campuses she visited had their strong points, she enjoyed getting drunk at the University of Tulsa College of Law the most.

"The students there seemed very serious about [the drinking game] quarters, which is more than I can say for the people at OCU," said Ross, adding that she witnessed TU students engaging in such innovative games as keg ball, find the keg, and dark doubles. "The thing I like most about the TU law school is that if there isn't a drinking game that interests you, the supportive environment allows you to create your own."

Though Ross was accepted at the University of Oklahoma, it ranks near the bottom of her list, since fewer than two-thirds of the law students she polled there had ever gone to a movie totally plastered.

Poop Pieces

• ·The Christian Legal Society is bringing suit against the J. Reuben Clark Society for copyright infringement. Jewish Law Student Association remains silent.
• ·The Federalist Society and the Republican Society continue to debate on why Fox News should be continuously shown in the pit and what news broadcaster is the best.
• Jim Dickerson, 2L, was involved in a horrible eggplant accident Tuesday. After trying to harness a new energy source from the vegetable, he set off a small explosion in his apartment. Luckily he escaped with a minor concussion and this piece of information. “Eggplants are actually berries, a fruit, not a vegetable.
• To maintain the high school like atmosphere at John Rogers Hall, the SBA has implemented the following:
  
  
• School bells will ring at 8:30am to signal the beginning of each school day
• The bells will also ring every hour and fifteen minutes on MWF and every hour and fifty minutes TTh to designate when classes end
• The SBA will designate hall monitors that can issue tardy slips
• Lunch periods will be assigned based upon number of completed hours
• 1Ls will be given recess time and a cot to nap on
• 3 hours of Gym will now be required to graduate
• Friday after-school detention will be given to students who don’t respect the MLIC’s ID checking policy
• Harry Campbell Black will be signing leather bound copies of Black’s Law Dictionary in the pit next on May 14th. Books will cost $95. Mr. Black will not be answering questions or providing definitions.
• Harry S. Wrinkeltushy, Esq. and the rest of the Poop staff hope everyone H.A.G.S.