By Alain Benson
New revelations this week about a change in the study body demographics has a group of students up at arms. Through confidential sources, The Poop has learned that the
The roaches have moved into the MLIC in recent years and have taken up permanent residence in the basement. They lived a relatively invisible existence until last month when Mark Phillips, a native
While school administration is concerned about the cockroaches, they say the larger issue is the bad elements that often accompany such settlements. Reports of crickets and even mice have surfaced in recent weeks and at least one school official (who asked to remain anonymous) is growing more concerned about making trips to the basement: “It's getting scary down there. The crickets won't shut up and the mice are getting aggressive.” This concern has lead to at least some students and faculty taking action. Johnson is the student representative for a Students and Teachers Against Matriculating Pests or STAMP. He says it is not the cockroaches themselves he minds, it is the precedent that is being set. “I'm not concerned about any species that wants to attend school here and pay tuition. I am concerned that the average joe is paying full tuition and housing while others are moving in and getting the same privileges for free. I mean, they don't even have to buy books, they live in the damn law library.”
SEX
Now that I have your attention, do you think you are humorous? Do you have 5th grade writing skills? Want a job? More specifically do you want a job that doesn’t pay anything except the satisfaction of making people smile and sticking it to the man? Then send a humorous 300 word article to hwrinkelsesq@gmail.com, and you just may be the Poop’s newest journalist.
Students Take a Crack at Presidential Surprise
By
Prior to Steadman “The Stead Man” Upham’s announcement of Professor Janet Levit’s becoming interim dean of the law school, several students tried to guess what the University’s President had in store for the Law School.
“I personally thought that the grading curve issue was going to be solved,” said 3L Dane Wilson. Others thought that there was going to be an increase of free food available in the Pit at all given hours of the day. 2L Christie Pryde had this suggestion, “Maybe they’re going to allow student groups to order food that isn’t Mazzio’s, Subway, or Arby’s.”
“I was thinking that the announcement was about how administration finally has it’s act together and we’ll actually be able to schedule for next semester’s classes before we are in the middle of finals,” remarked 2L John Drake, “but like the rest of the law school I’m excited and happy for Professor Levit, any other concerns we [the student body] has are just trivial.”
Facebook Group Plans to Save
By Son of Torts
Administrator for the Facebook group, Friends of the Poop and editor-in-chief for the John Rogers Poop has a refreshing idea on how to raise money for
“Here’s the deal. For every 10 people that join ‘Friends of the Poop’, between now and the end of the school year I’ll donate $5 from my social security check to a private fund that will either go to needy people in Darfur or to throw a kick ass rave featuring local band Tech Tonic.”
Recently hired columnist Kiki Kapowski had this to say, “So I totally go wasted at the SBA Halloween party and like totally lost my phone. So if we were friends and I had your phone number join the group and post your number so I can add it to my new iPhone. K Thx Bye!”
Jiminy Crickets
By Kiki Kapowski
So, like, prior to Noah leading the Jews out of
Now research totally shows that the insects were probably Schistocerca Gregaria and like not Gryllidae Gryllinae that we have in our school, but it’s totally the same problem.
What’s going to come next? Death of the first born? Students’ Diet Mountain Dew turning into blood? All of these sure signs that like a higher power isn’t happy or that the school is like seriously lacking in funds to hire an exterminator. Rumor has it that some of your classmates are even planning mass exoduses to better law schools
And where will this leave those who aren’t chosen to go along? Probably suffering through trying to study for finals because you can’t concentrate because of the noise.
However, I’m like totally sure that administration is taking care of this. As soon as the asbestos is removed and as soon as the Pit if finally remodeled as promised and as soon as the carpet in the library is replaced again. . . they’ll get right on taking care of the cricket problem.
Poop Pieces
· The Poop would like to extend apologies to any 1Ls that were offended by the previous. Just know that it’s all in good fun and sometimes law school shouldn’t be taken too seriously.
· In order to get students to use Lexis Nexis over Westlaw, points can now be spent to get: cigarettes, caffeine pills, low quality coffee, old editions of high court case briefs, and pornographic DVDs.
· Administration would like to quash any rumors relating to Robert Butkin’s disappearance and the start of Curb Your Enthusiasm’s 6th season. Yes, Butkin and Larry David look alike, but everything else is pure coincidence
· There will be a moment of silence held in the Pit on November 20, in remembrance of all students who will drop out, flunk out or be kicked out because of Halo 3.
Staff
Harry S. Wrinkeltushy, Esq.-
Editor in Chief
Son of torts-Investigative Reporter
Kiki Kapowksi-Gossip Columnist
Alain Benson-Kidnapped Help
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